Eorzea’s Voice: The Race That I Get

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To be normal, yet able to conjure the strength within your physical body. To be lanky, listening to the desparate squeals from yalms off. To be cat-like, relying on dexterity to trap and slaughter an unlucky boar for dinner. To be brutish and mountainous, intimidating others with the mere raise of a finger. To be miniature, able to obtain all the luxury and attention with a curl of the lips and the bat of eyelashes. Or to be tiny, clamoring for Kupo Nuts and enforcing mischievous behavior for the sake of adorability. If given such a chance on Earth to be born another race from Eorzea, what would we players choose?

The opportunity to be another race is the central concept in the current Eorzea’s Voice, the chronicle of the voice of the typical adventurer. Many players admit to the desire to be another Eorzean race, whether on Earth or in slumber. I even admit to sometimes dreaming of living inside Eorzea or being an Eorzean race outside of Final Fantasy XIV (okay, just living in Eorzea as a Midlander…). So surfaces a question in desperate need of satiating, begging for the opinion of many players: What race would you wish to be in the “real” world and why? This includes any race, not just the main ones.

The responses arrived in droves, surpassing the number of opinions from previous articles of Eorzea’s Voice. However, these responses were much shorter, more than likely due to the questions that were asked. A lot of these opinions were also plenty creative! What intrigued me most was that many of these players were completely different races in Final Fantasy XIV, separate from what they desired to be in “meatspace.”

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Sylphs, they seem very friendly and playful, and with their strange way of talking they would make for some interesting conversations. How can you get bored with them?

– Volcano Aki, Mateus

Well, Sylphs would scare me if they existed in the “real” world, only because they remind me of Cabbage Patch dolls. Of course, Cabbage Patch dolls always looked creepy to me. So to see them floating about and mocking others would probably force me to be a shut-in for the rest of my life. That being said, I think they would choose to reside in forests in favor of peace.

So, this is actually a tough question to properly parse. The 5 main races are really too generic to be proper candidates. So, for me, it would have to be one of the more unique races from the Beast Tribes. All of them are interesting, which makes it a difficult choice. Ultimately, I’d have to go with the Goblins. They’re amusing, and their steampunk-ish tech is interesting. I’m curious who their Primal is and where their homeland is.

– Arias Lightbearer, Sargatanas

Goblins… well, it is an interesting race to want to be, Arias. The reason I say this is because they seem, to me, anyway, very plain in comparison to the other tribes… except for maybe the Kobolds. In my opinion, the Ixali  would be most the most interesting Beast Tribe (especially after completing the Ixal Tribe quest line), but Goblins do have their perks. As Arias mentions, the Goblins’ knowledge of steampunk-like technology is above-par, and I do wonder who their Primal is. Do they even have a Primal?

The equality between races is only there due to gameplay balancing. The racial differences would be much more pronounced, so I’d choose to be a Midlander so I can do anything without handicap. Garlean would be a second choice – lack of magic powers but strong mental powers.

– Regdar Thorn, Hyperion

Probably the most unique opinion I’ve come across during these interviews, and Regdar raises a very strong idea. The racial differences would be more pronounced, and handicaps would be very obvious. But how would the racial differences be much more pronounced, anyway?

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<_< Miqo’te, because having the tail and ears could actually have some interesting real-world uses (Better balance, more acute hearing). I could be a gymnast, or a literal cat-burglar! Otherwise I’d want to be a Roegadyn, because it would be awesome to be tall and strong; Elezen are too dainty.

– Lukh’a Lybhica, Adamantoise

I laughed at literal cat-burglar. I imagined a Miqo’te burglar sneaking about in a museum with the 007 Theme, grinning with protruding fangs upon the success of pilfered catnip…

Gremlins are the only logical choice. Their constant berating will serve as great motivation you halfwits!

– Velo’a Nharoz, Siren

Gremlins! When I think of Gremlins, I think of that comic from XIV Nom Nom (http://www.xivnomnom.com/comic/insults-injury/). Those spiteful little… Okay… breathe in… anyway, their constant berating has the potential to mentally scar a player for life. But thanks to the comforting efforts of fellow party mates, that player can be back on their feet in no time. Or wait a good twenty (maybe more, maybe less, I forgot) seconds until they’re over being insulted. Long story short, I would not like to see Gremlins on Earth. It’d be utterly depressing! You know what they say after all, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words are painful shrapnel.”

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Of the mains, Mi’qote or Lalafell. My initial inclination is to tend towards Moonkeeper Mi’qote, but Lalafell get to stay cute longer, so that’d probably get the vote. Outside of the mains? Primal. >_> Or Siren. Though I’d have to do something about that dopey-looking crest. Pad’jal works too.

– Dark Saviour, Cactuar

So many decisions, but seems that some players cannot simply choose a race. Oddly enough, if I am not allowed to choose a Midlander, I would instead be unable to choose. So many different races, but I like being simple.

I would probably be the same race I’m playing as: a female Highlander Hyur. Lore-wise, Highlanders are already tough as nails – not just physically, but because of the strife they’ve put up with on both dealing with the Garlean invasion in their homeland as well as the stigma of being refugees. Throughout all of that, they maintain a strong sense of independence in the face of adversity. The women however, given everything the developers have hinted at, have gotten the worst of it, and I feel that there’s a lot of strength in their silent defiance. Additionally, and this is more on a personal level, I’ve always thought that women make for more compelling characters as opposed to the mostly stoic robots most men have ended up as.

To bring it down to internet maturity levels, and boobies for days, y’all!

– Ariadne Marduk, Hyperion

I do remember the stories of what female Highlanders have gone through, and it does cause me to shudder. Nevertheless, they appear quite strong and intimidating, but I wonder if they would be just as intimidating in the real world?

Apkallu, so I can slap people with an unlimited supply of fish.

– Yuumei Kokuuzou, Tonberry

Apkallu are adorable, yes, but I think they would raise plenty of havoc if bothered. I think that if they would ever exist on Earth that they would take the place of ducks, waddling about, but slapping people with a random fish if they get too close.

I would be a succubus that would actually like to try and integrate with society, maybe help the world understand the void better as a result.

– Ian Carlson, Ragnarok

If I ever saw a succubus with such goals… “And the winner of the Miss Universe Pageant is… Miss Void!”

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Roegadyn. Because then I would be tall.
And bearded.

– Eisen Gramul, Ultros

Who wouldn’t want to be tall, bearded and buff? Actually, I think a lot of people, including myself…

Probably a Lalafell. Sure they can’t reach overhead cabinets or see over tabletops without a booster seat, but they stay young-looking and adorable well into their old age and beyond. I’ll take that over wrinkles any day!

– Lemuria Glitterhands, Ragnarok

What about the anti-aging technology that is on the horizon? Also I wonder if Hyurs in Eorzea even age… I mean it’s been how many years now since the Calamity? Too many? But Lalafells are still very adorable. I recall being one for a weekend… There’s a downfall. No one will ever take you seriously. Oh, and lots of pets to the head.

I am a strong, independent Roe woman, and I don’t need no man. *snap* *snap*

– Syhrwyb Sterrskyltwyn, Diabolos

You forgot a third snap! The Z Snap, my Roe friend!

Whatever race Yugiri is! That way I can wear an awesome robe and have people guess at what race I really am!!

– Abraxis Theron, Ragnarok

Technically, you can probably wear an awesome robe with a headband with pointy ears attached and a tail extension of some sort and people would still attempt to guess your race… in Eorzea, anyway.

Snurbles? Snurbles.

– The Liar, Goblin

Snurbles! They’re adorable (yet sinfully horrifying in appearance) and peaceful. In 1.0, they even cured and cast protect on you! These good Samaritans, however, are nothing but pure parasites, feeding off others… I would believe that if someone desires to be a snurble in the real world, they would have an identity crisis.

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Miqo’te: They suit my personality, I’m very cat like in the way I do things and have the temperament of one as well. Very loving and such, but pet me the wrong way and out come the claws. XD

– Sakuraya Kai, Hyperion

Though I love kitties, and the Beast Tribes are pretty interesting, I’d definitely would want to be a Dunesfolk Lalafell. Short in stature but very cunning is a way of life I would enjoy. Plus, if I ever wanted to feel taller, I would just bat my eyelashes at someone taller than me and they would give me a piggyback ride. Now that would be awesome.

– Pancake Darkness, Siren

No doubt my radiant Miqo’te form. I like to receive all the pets plz! That way Pancake-san will give me love forever! <3

– Fenris Snow, Gilgamesh

I hardly see Miqo’te being pet though! It’s all about the Lalafell! But aw, that sounds adorable. I think Pancake-san will give you love no matter what race you are, Fenris.

My choice is obvious, a Dunesfolk Lalafell. Who doesn’t want to be cute and adorable for the rest of their lives. I believe all Lalas can get away with pretty much anything. All they have to do is act adorable. Plus Lalas are sex machines. Just look at all the Lalas running around. XD

– Virgo Memelan, Atomos

Yeah, Lalafells can get away with most anything, but at the same time, as mentioned to a previous opinion, they wouldn’t be taken seriously either. Would they?

Padjal, the ageless people, potential to be the most intelligent, derived from Hyur which are the most attractive race, they are granted high standing politically and in the study of aether. The horns would be a constant reminder to everyone that I’m better than them.

– Ember Cinder, Brynhildr

I don’t… well… I guess in a way that’d be a really awesome race to be when you think about it.

I would choose to be a female Roegadyn. Simply for the fact that in real life I am physically weak, and my muscle growth was dramatically stunted and altered when I was younger due to pneumonia. So I desire to be strong and somewhat muscular, and also be female. :)

– Singing Creek, Jenova

I can only say I would NOT want to be a cat person. The tail lashing would be a dead giveaway on just how annoyed I get at people. >.>’

– Valia Rosa, Atomos

I would not want to be a Miqo’te either. Not just because visual cues would be easier to spot during conversations (or any other situation), but also the main fact that they appear far too frail. I like having an average frame and also be pretty nimble. I don’t have to be Miqo’te in order to be nimble!

Good question. Hmmm… hard to say… I guess I’d go with Miqo’te since I’d like to be agile and quick on my feet like a cat. Moogle or Sylph are tempting though. It would be neat to hover in mid-air… plus I could just fly to the rim and dunk a basketball lol.

– Korvax Aquinas, Siren

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This one would be a Sylph, not a walking one, this one would float and live in leafy leafy forest.

– Viola Yukari, Sargatanas

Methinks you are already a Sylph… somewhere on Earth.

What I am surprised the most about is how no one chose the Ixali. The Ixali are fierce and believe in the idea of flight, but they are also quite civilized and intelligent. Then again, I wouldn’t choose to be an Ixal. For my personal preference, I would be plain ol’ simple Midlander Hyur. Only because Hyurs are naturally pleasing to my eye, but they are average in all areas, whether it be in healing, movement, intelligence, and overall health. I rather continue to be average than to excel in one area and falter in another. Though there are plenty of races I would like to be, I would not like to permanently live as one.

And there you have it. All in all, there were plenty of responses, all of which were very different from what I expected. Though most people responded with the Miqo’te tally, there were some that responded with Padjal and even Ascian! The major question that results from all of these opinions is: How would we live together if Eorzea existed as the “real world”? Would we all be adventurers? How would each of us live if we are the race we desire to be?

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Maybe, just maybe, virtual reality will give us that chance one day! But for those reading this article, what race would you prefer to be if you are given the chance to be a race from Eorzea roaming about on Earth, and why? Aesthetics? Abilities? Or something else? Please do send your responses to [email protected] or reply using our Twitter and Facebook pages. For next time, I will scour the minds of fellow adventurers for thoughts on the minion system. Till the sea swallows all!